How to write your wedding ceremony

So, we've come to that point where we have to write the wedding ceremony - or at least pick the parts of the book provided by our celebrant that we want him to read and join together to make into what will turn out to be the wedding service.

Its abit tricky to sit down and talk about all of this stuff together because we are not romantic people at all and some of the readings and introductions that we have been given to choose from are quite frankly, embarrassing. The other issue is that I feel that I have heard them all before at all of the weddings we do at work.

So we have come up with a short list of what not to say at our wedding:
1. We will not say anything about being best friends, because Michael is not my best friend. My best friends are prepared to go shopping for long periods of time and talk about girly things with me. And they drink with me after work and he does not, even  though this picture appears to be the contrary.
2. We will not mention spirits because it would feel like ghosts have come along for the day.
3. We will not have anything American Indian because we are not American Indian nor have ever met such.
4. There is no God in our service because anyone that knows me would realise that I would not be telling the truth if we invited God along for the day. However Darwin is welcome...
5. We will not eat or drink anything at our ceremony, despite the urging of our celebrant to do such things as symbolism of our 'likes' - mine for wine and Michael for food. We are not drunkards or gluttons and do not feel the need to eat or drink in the middle of something like a wedding just because those things are our jobs.
6. There will be no handfasting (Michael is dead against it), nor sand blending (what do you do with it later?)
7. We have forbidden Michael's mum to read the amusing marriage poem that compared the bride with a commodity that was going to be sold to the husband.
8. We will not have any brooms, bed sheets or rose givings, nor warming of rings or releasing of butterflies.
9. I have reluctantly agreed to being pronounced Mr and Mrs Ross. But it will only be for the afternoon.

On the other hand, we had to answer a bunch of questions so that the celebrant could write a personalised introduction to the ceremony. We tried to tackle these a few weeks ago but it just went pear shaped.  Last night we sat down with real intentions to get the thing done and here is the answer to one of the questions.

When asked, When did you know that you would be together forever? Michael answered - after 6 weeks (about 3 days after our first kiss). He also gave the same answer to When did realise that you were in love? I was stunned, knocked for a six, I asked him again to clarify, to make sure he understood the question, after all - this bit is going to be said in front of all of our family and friends. But he was dead serious. It just took him 6.5 years to get his act together to make it official.

Funnily enough, my answer to that question was - the day I met him...Awwww. Feel lucky if you are not coming to our wedding.  Might have to throw up in your hanky.