Being married - one month in

So what's it like to be married?

On the day, its the biggest party that you ever go to where you spend the most time apart from your intended.

In the week afterwards, the pair of you are the biggest gossip/news amongst friends and work colleagues who trade photos of you like collectable cards.

During the honeymoon you feel almost like you're letting down the side if you don't look sufficiently romantically lovey dovey to each other at all of the lovely hotels who've upgraded you, and ungrateful if you don't drink all of the free champagne that appears on check in. (how to put on 5 kg on a honeymoon - tell everyone its your honeymoon).

When you get home from the honeymoon you feel like the biggest life decision you have to make together at that point is where in the house to put all the wedding presents from the gift registry.

Then, when it gets to a month, you get the wedding photos back from the photographer, and finally get a chance to try and see what everyone else got to see on the day, you are too tired to stay up and drink that celebratory bottle of Moet with the husband when he gets home from work. No pipe, no slippers, no 'honey I'm home' cocktail.

So far being married has been quite similar to not being married, except that we don't have to worry about an impending wedding.

Its full of shocks and surprises, but not from your new husband. Random people, like the lady in the Hertz office in NZ, find it amusing to say to you while picking up the rental car "your husband booked that dear" and see the look of confusion on your face as you try to remember that you are married. What is more awkward is when colleagues follow you around calling your new name (Mrs Ross) and you fail to respond because you think they are talking to someone else. The lady at the cattery who was trying to work out why our cats have different surnames to each other. Should we change them? Register their new family name with cat deed poll? How far do you go?

The best bit is all of the free time I have now, no more planning, no more trawling the internet for ideas. And the bestest bit ever - my addiction to trashy wedding shows on TV has gone. Completely disappeared! Thank god.

How to write your wedding ceremony

So, we've come to that point where we have to write the wedding ceremony - or at least pick the parts of the book provided by our celebrant that we want him to read and join together to make into what will turn out to be the wedding service.

Its abit tricky to sit down and talk about all of this stuff together because we are not romantic people at all and some of the readings and introductions that we have been given to choose from are quite frankly, embarrassing. The other issue is that I feel that I have heard them all before at all of the weddings we do at work.

So we have come up with a short list of what not to say at our wedding:
1. We will not say anything about being best friends, because Michael is not my best friend. My best friends are prepared to go shopping for long periods of time and talk about girly things with me. And they drink with me after work and he does not, even  though this picture appears to be the contrary.
2. We will not mention spirits because it would feel like ghosts have come along for the day.
3. We will not have anything American Indian because we are not American Indian nor have ever met such.
4. There is no God in our service because anyone that knows me would realise that I would not be telling the truth if we invited God along for the day. However Darwin is welcome...
5. We will not eat or drink anything at our ceremony, despite the urging of our celebrant to do such things as symbolism of our 'likes' - mine for wine and Michael for food. We are not drunkards or gluttons and do not feel the need to eat or drink in the middle of something like a wedding just because those things are our jobs.
6. There will be no handfasting (Michael is dead against it), nor sand blending (what do you do with it later?)
7. We have forbidden Michael's mum to read the amusing marriage poem that compared the bride with a commodity that was going to be sold to the husband.
8. We will not have any brooms, bed sheets or rose givings, nor warming of rings or releasing of butterflies.
9. I have reluctantly agreed to being pronounced Mr and Mrs Ross. But it will only be for the afternoon.

On the other hand, we had to answer a bunch of questions so that the celebrant could write a personalised introduction to the ceremony. We tried to tackle these a few weeks ago but it just went pear shaped.  Last night we sat down with real intentions to get the thing done and here is the answer to one of the questions.

When asked, When did you know that you would be together forever? Michael answered - after 6 weeks (about 3 days after our first kiss). He also gave the same answer to When did realise that you were in love? I was stunned, knocked for a six, I asked him again to clarify, to make sure he understood the question, after all - this bit is going to be said in front of all of our family and friends. But he was dead serious. It just took him 6.5 years to get his act together to make it official.

Funnily enough, my answer to that question was - the day I met him...Awwww. Feel lucky if you are not coming to our wedding.  Might have to throw up in your hanky.

The Proposal

So, are you ready for this?  Are you ready for the story of true love and love conquers all and the "I want to spend the rest of my life with you story".
Here's how it happened...

I took Michael away on a fabulous mini break (as Bridget Jones would say).  We went to Crystal Creek Rainforest Retreat, just over the border near Murwillumbah. It was a commitment to drive interstate but the retreat had been recommended by my boss and his wife who had both raved about the place. My favourite part of the journey was driving across the border, which was a cattle grid with two traffic cameras aimed in each direction (on a dirt back road), which were obviously there to catch bad cows escaping from QLD.

When we arrived at the retreat we found ourselves ensconced, deep in the rainforest (leech territory).  I had a deadline to meet - at 4pm I was supposed to take Michael on a diversionary walk somewhere whilst the staff made over our room for the '100 candle surprise'. I had pre-warned Michael before we left to take 'the little box in your bottom drawer'.  It was supposed to be his perfect opportunity to whip it out. We diversionary walk took us to the creek, to the wedding site, to the hammocks that are set out over the creek, we also checked out all the DVDs and I read almost every comment in the guest book in a space of 45 minutes.  What's a girl to do, I had to dawdle deliberately to spin it out.

Eventually I got the nod from the lady in reception that my surprise was all in place and we made our way back to our cabin.  The rose petals on the entranceway gave it away, and he was very surprised and delighted, but still no ring.

I should take the opportunity to explain here that I am not a groom sucking fiend, we have an engagement party booked next weekend with 25 of our nearest & dearest and it was important that things be official by that time - hence my magnificent surprise.

So we had a lovely evening, even though the little box did not make its way out.

The next day dawned so blue and bright through the glass of the curtainless cabin. The mountain perched above the rainforest canopy appeared to be placed there for our enjoyment and adoration. We enjoyed a lovely 45 minute trek up a 90 degree muddy hillside and the even better trek down again with an itchy leech in my left shoe. We picnic-ed in the orchard, which was perched hillside a little way from our cabin, unspoilt views of aforementioned looming mountain, with turkey sangas and a box of Roses chocolates and ye old two bottles of pear cider - we were a picture of advertising genius for the romantic moment.

After a long frustrating discussion about wedding speeches, we headed back to the room to lounge around some more in the deck chairs.  It was about 3pm and that mountain was screaming out at me "ask him when he is planning on getting around to it, there's not many hours left of this mini break holiday". I was just about to open my mouth when he went to fetch another glass of wine and said "here you go, its about time you had this, dont you think?" and gave me the little box from the bottom drawer.

"Ask me" I said
"Okay, will you marry me?"

I made him say it again.
Then I forgot to say yes.

It was a smashing moment. So unromantic, so like Michael that I cant believe that I ever pictured anything else. However the romance shone through when he begged me to hold off the phone calls to friends and family to announce our happy moment.  He wanted to contain it to us, just us, for an afternoon. We compromised on a text message and talked about returning to the retreat for the first 3 days of our honeymoon, leeches and all.

We tried to make up a romantic story about this, but we couldn't think of anything believable. Its really just a leechy story with some bling bits.

So we are getting married

So I heard about this new blog interface from my mum and Simon and thought I better get on and try it out, so that I can support your feedback on posting. What to write about? There is not much new in town (same town), same house, same job. Thought I better write about getting married. Because that's what we're getting. Next year we might get a dog or save up for a great European holiday but this year we're having a wedding.

We're booked in at our sister property, which for us was the only choice.  Not because its our sister property, but because it is the best place we've ever stayed. The only place where I can work once a week and still fall in love with every time I drive up to.
We're not actually engaged (hold your congrats) but it will likely be pretty soon, given that the engagement party is booked, ring purchased, wedding paid for (lots of bits) and dress selected. After all this, the proposal seems like a formality, like choosing my shoes. Which is not to say it means that little, it means a lot, but we like to play it cool around here, maybe I am just too difficult to surprise? I have had to put a ban on toilet proposals - just so you get an idea on how hard this is for poor Michael.
The favourite part of organising so far is:
1/ Thinking I am all sorted and getting bored and impatient because it took approximately 2 seconds to get everything booked and 15 minutes to choose a dress (literally)
2/ Then realising that there are now stupid decisions to make like how to wear my hair (I thought I just had to book someone and they would 'make it happen')
3/ What to give all of the guests for their 'thank you for coming present'. Hmmm, what do you give a bunch of people to have forever that you wouldn't just chuck out yourself in 2 years (I am under no illusions, our wedding is not the most important thing on earth, therefore why does anyone need a souvenir?)
4/ Scheduling the wedding around a big client so that I can actually enjoy the day
5/ Cake - real or fake (polystyrene) or comical variation on cake
6/ Thailand or New Zealand honeymoon (vote here)
Your thought, here, now, let me know your 2 cents, why not?